At the beginning of Advent, Sister Bénédicte was invited to attend an ecumenical prayer breakfast at the Presidential House of the Republic of Lithuania to talk about her experience of hope gained during more than 30 years in visiting prisoners. May her testimony be a message and a source of inspiration at the beginning of Advent: ‘God is not disappointed in me’. 

“I discovered the meaning of hope here in Lithuania, and in an unexpected place: the prison. During my visits to the inmates, I met some who could be described as “hopeless cases.” It is very difficult to come face to face with someone whose fate seems sealed: condemned from childhood (sometimes even from conception) to failure, to an “abnormal” life, to alcoholism, to delinquency and to be a danger both for themselves and for society. I heard some guards say about them: “There’s no point in wasting time. He’ll come back here anyway.” And that’s what one is tempted to think, humanly speaking. And yet, deep within me, the desire arises to try to engage in dialogue, to try to see this person, not as they appear, but as they truly are at their innermost core, in their probably unattainable depths.

Then, I experience hope, a hope that is not mere optimism (“he’ll pull through eventually”), a hope that rests on nothing human. But it is born, and with it, love for that person. Then I understood why, according to the catechism, hope is a theological virtue. It must come directly from God, for it will not come from us; we cannot create it. From God the Creator, who does not create “waste” and who always hopes in human persons. No one is lost to Him, even if they have committed terrible acts, even if they have fallen into the trap of drugs or alcohol. God always hopes in the human person and invites us to hope. 

Such hope is not a dream of a better future, founded on optimism or the illusion that everything will eventually work out. True hope embraces reality and the whole truth, however ugly it may be. But it sees further, another truth about a person or a situation. This perspective is a grace, a gift from God, which we simply need to ask for. 

This realization led to another. One day, I realized that God wasn’t disappointed in me. This thought surprised me, because I am often disappointed in myself! Indeed, there’s an inner judge within us who very quickly finds something to accuse us of and how to discourage us. And if we can’t bear its accusations, we start blaming everyone else. This makes things a little easier… temporarily. 

What frees us from this critical and deceitful voice is God’s gaze upon us. When we encounter His gaze, hope, true hope, is born from the depth of hopelessness and disappointment. It is this hope that I wish for each of us.”